Happy Sunday Everyone:
I feel good about my life, but I’m also curious how to make it better. When I’ve asked myself how I can make it better, it comes back to “what” would make it better? Would a Ferrari make it better? Would a bigger house make it better? A promotion? I’ve realized for a while, call it 5 years, “what” would make it better is internal, not external. I don’t feel like I’m in need of help, it’s not a pressure cooker situation, but I’m curious about what else is out there, and in my opinion, it requires internal work, not external things.
I’ve talked often about my Grammie. She worked on her internal self until her last breath at 102. Of all the questions I asked her on her 100th birthday, the one that stood out to me most was this:
Q. What is one thing that turned out to be more important than you realized?
A. The study of child psychology to help with raising a family. That developed into the study of my own human nature and acceptance of all of it. The result: As I accepted all of myself, especially the repressed parts (or my shadow) I found judgmentalism of others fading away, and accepting them for who they are (not necessarily liking their behavior).
2 months ago, I was talking to a good friend of mine, Shayla, and she commented on her shadow. It triggered me remembering my Grammie’s answer above, and as she went into it more, my Grammie’s answer started making more sense, especially around two parts where she says, “the repressed parts”, and “(not necessarily liking their behavior)”.
Shayla asked me if I wanted to participate with one of her mentors on an 8-week series to work through these concepts, I said yes and here I am today writing about it. I’m on the 1-yard line of understanding any of this but it’s fascinating, liberating, and freeing, from what I can see so far.
I swear to all of you that I will never use AI/ChatGPT to write my Sunday Thoughts, but I did use it to explain as briefly as possible these concepts as it’s better than anything I could ever write on my own:
“Shadow Self“
- Definition: The shadow self represents the parts of ourselves that we’ve repressed, denied, or disowned — traits, emotions, or desires we learned were “unacceptable” or “wrong.”
- Origin: Coined by Carl Jung, who said: “Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”
- Examples:
- A leader who prides themselves on being calm but secretly feels rage or resentment.
- Someone who identifies as selfless but secretly desires recognition or control.
- Why it matters: The shadow isn’t “bad.” It’s often a source of power, creativity, and authenticity—once we acknowledge it rather than letting it run unconsciously.
💭 Shadow Beliefs
- Definition: Shadow beliefs are the hidden, limiting stories we’ve internalized—usually formed in childhood—that drive our behavior and emotional patterns beneath the surface.
- Examples:
- “I’m not enough.”
- “If I succeed, people won’t love me.”
- “It’s not safe to show emotion.”
- “I have to earn love through achievement.”
- How they form: Typically, they arise when a child experiences rejection, shame, or pain for being authentic. The child then forms a subconscious belief to stay safe.
- How they show up today: We overcompensate — working harder, pleasing others, or avoiding vulnerability — to protect against those early wounds.
🧩 Connecting the Two
- The shadow self is the container — all the repressed aspects of you.
- Shadow beliefs are the stories or scripts inside that container that keep those parts hidden.
When you do “shadow work,” you’re exploring both — bringing awareness to hidden beliefs and reclaiming the disowned parts of yourself that hold your fullest potential.”
I understand this is seriously deep, but I think its super cool. I had a one-hour call with my coach yesterday and we were walking through a few concepts that literally had me in tears. I’m not sure if it’s an age thing? I’m not sure if I’ve checked enough material boxes to realize that’s not going to do it for me? I don’t know the “why” on the timing. What I do know is knowing this was front and center in my Grammie’s life at 102, I’m glad to start on it at 51. I’ve mentioned this has skipped around my head/heart for the past 5 years but really been front and center for the past 4-6 months. Yesterday on my call my coach said to me “The things we look for, we find”….I can often ruminate and not execute, it’s fun to hit the “go” button and see what happens.