Happy Sunday Everyone:
A good friend and I decided to go for a walk early Friday morning. I don’t normally go for walks with friends, and I think I’ll change that. We met at 6:00, hit the iron horse trail (railway from the 1900’s) and just started talking.
In the world of business, my friend is a bit of a big deal, although humble as can be. I mention the big deal portion only to set the stage on my trust for his thoughts, suggestions, and advice. Seeking wise counsel is something we all need to consider. I’m not suggesting a resume of pedigree is required, but a resume of experience and results should always be considered.
We walked for an hour covering a lot of ground on raising boys, being husbands, our faith, our confusions/questions on life, it was great, meaningful. As we were finishing, we were talking about having hard conversations where direct and honest communication is massively important, but also how hard those conversations can be. He made a comment to make his point that stuck with me, he said can you imagine saying “I care about you, just not quite enough to tell you the truth”. If you let that sit for a minute, think about how many times you dance around a subject or avoid it all together. I do it more than I care to admit. If we flip the script and recognize that not sharing constructive feedback is actually a lack of care, it changes our thought process. A great quote, “the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference”.
Thomas came home for the weekend. I was telling him about my conversation with my friend and asked about him getting yelled at by his coaches. He said, “I used to take it personally, now I look at it as I’m valuable enough to be coached and criticized versus no comment, if you get no comments, no feedback, you might as well quit the team”. Same message as my friend, different context, but same message.
A few thoughts:
- Bigger relationships require bigger conversations. Bigger conversations require honesty over feelings. If you can blend the two, amazing, but truth over feelings.
- Before taking feedback personally, run it through a simple filter. Do you trust the person giving it? Do they genuinely care about you and the outcome? If the answer is yes, receive it as a gift, not an attack.
- These conversations are like muscles, the more you have them, the stronger they get.
I’m talking about this today because it’s front and center in my own life. Both as the person who needs to give the honest feedback, and the one receiving it. None of us get better in a box. We need people around us who care enough to tell us the truth.
This week, find the conversation you have been avoiding and have it. The person on the other end deserves your honesty far more than they deserve your comfort.
Have a great week!!