Happy Sunday Everyone-
Thought about not writing this one which is why I’m a few weeks late on it. Why, never want to come off as braggy about anything personal, including family. The whole point of these posts, 14 years in, has been to observe, reflect, and pass something meaningful on to you (hopefully). I thought about how to talk about the milestone of Jack, my eldest, graduating college a few weeks ago. What it turned into is less about graduation and much more about allowing me to reflect on my son.
He and I were driving the other day and I said, “I think I’m done yelling at you, I think that phase is over”. It was meant as a joke, but the bigger point is the foundation has been laid, we’re officially in the adult chapter of life. I’m not suggesting he’s not going to want to chat and get advice, but it’s a reflective time for sure, not sad, just reflective.
As I do reflect on Jack’s life up to this point, some points for me to consider on his journey that he’s taught me by observing him.
1. Be you. I’ve never seen a kid more comfortable in his own skin than Jack. We call him “old man, Jack”. He marches to the beat of his own drummer and is unapologetic about it. Taught himself to play the guitar, taught himself how to fly fish, likes long walks by himself. He just does him. We used to laugh at him a bit, I’ve grown to admire him for it. He walks his own path w/ zero desire to impress for the sake of impressing.
2. Live with a big heart and be responsible. Jack was always the kid who looked out for others, he took the new kid under his wing, he respected every adult he encountered, and he was my dad’s best friend. Genuinely. I remember another parent saying, “it’s fine, Jack Marckwardt is going“, that made me pause. There’s something about him that makes people feel like everything is going to be okay.
But he also put in the work. He ran a junk removal business, sold porta potties door to door, transferred colleges and still walked across the stage in four years. As I sit here writing this, I realize I didn’t give him enough credit along the way.
3. Value relationships. Jack is Velcro in relationships. He’s sticky, you want to be a part of him when you meet him. Even as I type this, he’s visiting his friends in Oregon (first college before transferring to Arizona). His relationships are all built on a foundation of meaningful trust. His character attracts high quality people. His relationship with Thomas (his brother) is special. They have each other’s back at all costs. Think of the movie “a river runs through it”…that is Jack and Thomas.
I know my Jack. I know the kid he was, the adult he is becoming. I know I’m incredibly proud to have him as my son. Where the lesson for me comes in, and perhaps for you too, is I’m not sure I’d have sat down to reflect all of this and lay it out in a manner for him to read before today.
The simple question we all should be asking ourselves is do our kids know how we feel about them? It’s not something I want to leave as an assumption. I don’t think there is a single negative outcome that could come from a parent sharing what they admire about their children. The exercise makes you reflect on how good they are, it also helps you calibrate when they might be driving you crazy.
Have a great rest of your Sunday and thanks for taking the time to read this one.